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[ the first part of adam's speech definitely doesn't help. the mention of robert parrish has a sobering effect, as it always does. unhappily, ronan is reminded of declan and the look on his face when he saw ronan's leg draped over adam's lap in the backseat of the pig. the difference is that if declan ever tried to punch him for being gay, ronan would just punch back twice as hard. still, he gets it. even though adam is out of his parents' trailer and his dad has a restraining order, fathers have a way of casting long shadows that are difficult to escape.
but all ronan can hear after the "so" is: "so i decided to test my newfound sexuality on you, since i knew you wouldn't refuse." and that's a unique pain he's never before experienced.
he pushes himself into a sitting position, muttering, "fuck this." he's tempted to leave the bed and the apartment altogether. but adam keeps talking, and what he says next brings all the gears working furiously in ronan's brain to a screeching halt. the stormy look on his face turns to confusion and uncertainty, then a tentative sort of calm. the hopeful flame inside him grows. adam may be rambling, but out of the tumble of words ronan gleaned one very important thing: ]
...You like me?
[ he'd been almost afraid to say it, as if saying it out loud would scare it off. ]
but all ronan can hear after the "so" is: "so i decided to test my newfound sexuality on you, since i knew you wouldn't refuse." and that's a unique pain he's never before experienced.
he pushes himself into a sitting position, muttering, "fuck this." he's tempted to leave the bed and the apartment altogether. but adam keeps talking, and what he says next brings all the gears working furiously in ronan's brain to a screeching halt. the stormy look on his face turns to confusion and uncertainty, then a tentative sort of calm. the hopeful flame inside him grows. adam may be rambling, but out of the tumble of words ronan gleaned one very important thing: ]
...You like me?
[ he'd been almost afraid to say it, as if saying it out loud would scare it off. ]
[ adam is expecting ronan to get fed up with him and leave -- not so much because of ronan himself, but because he was being an idiot and phrasing everything wrong and he would deserve it if ronan did leave. when he curses and pushes himself up to sitting, adam closes his eyes tight, waiting for the creak of the mattress to signify that ronan is leaving. it never comes, though. instead there's quiet, long seconds of it, and adam opens his eyes to look at ronan. his expression is inscrutable, too calm to give anything away, but if ronan were actually angry he'd already be out the door, so maybe adam hasn't fucked this up entirely. if that weren't enough to put adam at ease (and simultaneously make his heart feel like it's going to beat out of his chest) ronan's question and the nakedly hopeful tone of voice he says it in would do it on their own.
it feels weird to say it while actually looking at ronan -- no, not weird, exactly. it makes adam feel vulnerable, in a way that is both incredibly uncomfortable and terrifying as a heart attack. but ronan suffered through his rambling and hasn't left yet, so adam can look him in the eye when he says: ]
Yeah. I do. I like you.
[ it's possible this could be seen as moving too fast. maybe adam should have taken a few days to think things over, give himself a chance to really feel his way through it all. if he had a therapist, she'd probably say he's pushing himself too far, too fast because he finally can, now that he doesn't have his father's expectations looming over him. but hell, when has adam parrish ever done anything just because he wanted to? he wants to tell ronan he likes him, and he wants to kiss him again, and he wants to stay in this bed with him for the rest of the day. maybe he can't have all the things he wants, but he'll settle for just one. ]
it feels weird to say it while actually looking at ronan -- no, not weird, exactly. it makes adam feel vulnerable, in a way that is both incredibly uncomfortable and terrifying as a heart attack. but ronan suffered through his rambling and hasn't left yet, so adam can look him in the eye when he says: ]
Yeah. I do. I like you.
[ it's possible this could be seen as moving too fast. maybe adam should have taken a few days to think things over, give himself a chance to really feel his way through it all. if he had a therapist, she'd probably say he's pushing himself too far, too fast because he finally can, now that he doesn't have his father's expectations looming over him. but hell, when has adam parrish ever done anything just because he wanted to? he wants to tell ronan he likes him, and he wants to kiss him again, and he wants to stay in this bed with him for the rest of the day. maybe he can't have all the things he wants, but he'll settle for just one. ]
Edited 2015-10-15 05:04 (UTC)
[ it still seems too good to be true. ronan watches adam's mouth frame the words, hears them in his voice that's tinged with the colors of a henrietta sunset, but he still doesn't dare to believe it. he makes good forgeries too; after all, he learned from the best. with the dream pills burning a hole in his pocket, ronan glances around the tiny room, from the bathroom to the front door to window over his shoulder, like he expects the real adam to reappear any second. they were touching when he woke up, so it's entirely possible he took this adam out of a dream by accident, right? and the real adam woke up hours ago, somehow without ronan noticing, and booked it to school to turn in the homework he almost killed himself over.
the thought sits like a weight in his stomach, and not for the first time he resents being the greywaren. anyone else wouldn't have to ask themselves if the boy who just confessed to liking them is real or something they dreamed up.
but ronan doesn't remember dreaming, and he always remembers, especially his greywaren dreams. he's always aware of the creating, even if he can't always control what happens after, whether it comes back with him or not. but his sleep had been blissfully blank, which probably had something to do with adam's fingers slotted between his and the smell of dust and motor oil and adam's shampoo surrounding him. for all the questions and uncertainties circling his brain as he fell asleep, he'd also felt inexplicably safe and content, because that's what adam means to him.
a little of the tension leaves his shoulders, and he relents. ]
You should've led with that, asshole, instead of making me think I wasted my first kiss.
[ ...he hadn't actually meant to say that last part out loud. heat rushes to his face, and he ducks his head like he can hide it. his heart is beating heavily in his chest, each pulsation seeming to echo: he likes me, he likes me, he likes me.
and i like him. ]
the thought sits like a weight in his stomach, and not for the first time he resents being the greywaren. anyone else wouldn't have to ask themselves if the boy who just confessed to liking them is real or something they dreamed up.
but ronan doesn't remember dreaming, and he always remembers, especially his greywaren dreams. he's always aware of the creating, even if he can't always control what happens after, whether it comes back with him or not. but his sleep had been blissfully blank, which probably had something to do with adam's fingers slotted between his and the smell of dust and motor oil and adam's shampoo surrounding him. for all the questions and uncertainties circling his brain as he fell asleep, he'd also felt inexplicably safe and content, because that's what adam means to him.
a little of the tension leaves his shoulders, and he relents. ]
You should've led with that, asshole, instead of making me think I wasted my first kiss.
[ ...he hadn't actually meant to say that last part out loud. heat rushes to his face, and he ducks his head like he can hide it. his heart is beating heavily in his chest, each pulsation seeming to echo: he likes me, he likes me, he likes me.
and i like him. ]
[ adam leans back in the passenger seat of the bmw, eyes lazily half-shut as he watches the virginia countryside pass by out the window. ronan had wanted to go on a drive -- nowhere in particular, just drive -- and adam had finished his homework, didn't have any shifts at the garage or the factory, and cabeswater was silent, so he'd said okay. he knew it was just an excuse for them to spend time together away from gansey and blue and noah anyway, and he didn't mind. they'd barely had two seconds alone together for the past week, it was good to get away from the rest of the group for an hour or two. it wasn't like they couldn't hold hands in front of them, they just... didn't. it was easier that way. touching ronan, even in as innocent a way as holding hands, usually turned adam into a wreck within a few minutes, so it was probably for the best.
their hands are clasped between them as ronan drives, and it strikes adam all of a sudden just how normal this feels, how easily he's gotten used to this. the thought makes him slightly uncomfortable -- he's not convinced he'll get to keep ronan, and what will he do without him if he's gotten so dependent on having him around? -- but adam just squeezes ronan's hand gently, brushing his thumb over ronan's knuckles and looking over at him.
ronan's happier lately. adam would like to believe it's because of him, but that feels like giving himself too much credit. he's not sure why else ronan would be happy, though.
impulsively, adam shifts around in his seat so he can lean over and kiss ronan, right where his jaw meets his neck. he can't stop running his thumb over ronan's knuckles, feeling his skin, and it's ridiculous, it's so teenaged boy, but he's getting a little hot. there's no reason to it, no catalyst, he was fine a second ago and now he's not, but that happens a lot to adam where ronan's concerned. he's just ready for it all the time, can hardly get himself under control, and yeah, maybe a running car's a bad place to lose control of himself, but it was one kiss. it won't hurt. ]
Edited 2015-10-30 21:35 (UTC)
[ it's been driving ronan crazy, not having any time alone with adam. one of the few drawbacks to dating adam parrish is that he's stupidly busy because he stupidly won't let anyone help him with anything, so he runs himself ragged to make ends meet. he was barely holding it together before the bargain with cabeswater, and now he has the arbitrary needs of a sentient forest to contend with on top of everything else. of course, ronan knew all of this about him before they started dating, and it didn't make him want to be with adam any less. it just means he worries more about how much sleep adam is getting and he finds little, wordless ways to help him that are small enough adam doesn't make a fuss. if he does make a fuss, typically ronan can kiss him to shut him up.
it makes sense that, when they finally have an opportunity to spend time together, ronan takes them for a drive. like adam living at st. agnes focuses the objects of ronan's worship into one downtown block, adam in ronan's bmw focuses the objects of ronan's desire into one machine. cars have always been sexy to ronan, second only now to adam, and there's something incredibly, yet undeniably attractive about having adam in the passenger seat, their hands tangled over the gearshift.
when adam leans over and kisses him, his pulse trips, and for a moment he forgets to press on the gas pedal. the car loses momentum for a split-second before he steps on it again. keeping one eye on the road, he turns his head until their lips meet, because he can't help himself. the kiss is short but sweet, and ronan's heart beats like he'd just run a mile.
as he faces the road again, his mouth hooks up at the corners. ] What's gotten into you?
it makes sense that, when they finally have an opportunity to spend time together, ronan takes them for a drive. like adam living at st. agnes focuses the objects of ronan's worship into one downtown block, adam in ronan's bmw focuses the objects of ronan's desire into one machine. cars have always been sexy to ronan, second only now to adam, and there's something incredibly, yet undeniably attractive about having adam in the passenger seat, their hands tangled over the gearshift.
when adam leans over and kisses him, his pulse trips, and for a moment he forgets to press on the gas pedal. the car loses momentum for a split-second before he steps on it again. keeping one eye on the road, he turns his head until their lips meet, because he can't help himself. the kiss is short but sweet, and ronan's heart beats like he'd just run a mile.
as he faces the road again, his mouth hooks up at the corners. ] What's gotten into you?
[ the car slows down for a second, and adam's stomach swoops. he did that, he did that, just by pressing slightly chapped lips to ronan's neck. ronan turns to kiss him properly before adam can repeat the gesture and make ronan lose control of the car again, but he already has plans for how to make it happen again. when ronan turns back to the road, adam smiles, moving even closer to ronan. his seatbelt is digging into his side, but he's not going to take it off.
yet. ]
Nothing. [ adam pauses, reconsiders. ] Nothing bad. Pay attention the road.
[ with that, he kisses ronan's neck again, this time going for his pulse point. it's an awkward stretch, and it kind of hurts, but ronan's reaction will be worth it. that's all adam can think about as he bites at ronan's skin, just the right side of painful. ]
yet. ]
Nothing. [ adam pauses, reconsiders. ] Nothing bad. Pay attention the road.
[ with that, he kisses ronan's neck again, this time going for his pulse point. it's an awkward stretch, and it kind of hurts, but ronan's reaction will be worth it. that's all adam can think about as he bites at ronan's skin, just the right side of painful. ]
Parrish...
[ adam's name is a warning and a prayer rolled into one. there's a surreal moment, a heartbeat, where he's not sure if he's awake or asleep, because he's had dreams just like this. but the hum of the bmw under him and the pinch of adam's teeth on his skin and the hot, adrenaline-laced blood rushing through his veins are definitely real. this is real. the car swerves slightly, just enough to be noticeable, when adam bites him. he sucks in a breath, heat pooling in his lower belly. ]
How the hell do you expect me to do that?
[ but he doesn't push adam away or tell him to stop. instead he does what he's told, eyes fixed on the road, both hands on the wheel to keep from swerving again. ]
[ adam's name is a warning and a prayer rolled into one. there's a surreal moment, a heartbeat, where he's not sure if he's awake or asleep, because he's had dreams just like this. but the hum of the bmw under him and the pinch of adam's teeth on his skin and the hot, adrenaline-laced blood rushing through his veins are definitely real. this is real. the car swerves slightly, just enough to be noticeable, when adam bites him. he sucks in a breath, heat pooling in his lower belly. ]
How the hell do you expect me to do that?
[ but he doesn't push adam away or tell him to stop. instead he does what he's told, eyes fixed on the road, both hands on the wheel to keep from swerving again. ]
[ this isn't what adam had meant to happen, when he leaned over and kissed ronan the first time. he'd just meant to kiss him once, just as a kind of "hello, i missed you", and then he was going to sit back in his seat and enjoy the ride. then ronan had lost control of the car, just for a second, and adam had felt like the most powerful person in the world, and he wanted to chase that feeling.
it was highly irresponsible. gansey would be aghast if he knew what adam was doing -- not that adam wanted to think about gansey knowing about anything he did with ronan, but if he did. ronan clearly couldn't keep his mind on driving when adam was just kissing him, what would he do if --
but there's no one else on the road. there's no turns, nothing they could run into. ronan will have time to correct himself if something goes wrong. so adam doesn't really feel bad about grinning against ronan's neck, then beginning to suck a mark into his neck. he loves leaving marks on ronan, though he's usually more careful about where he leaves them -- he's never left such an obvious hickey before, usually sticks to ronan's collarbones and stomach. right now, though, he's feeling adventurous and untouchable, not thinking about everyone's reactions at aglionby on monday. adam pulls back after a minute to consider the bruise he's left, then grins again. ]
Just think about how much you don't want to crash this car, [ he says, reaching over to press his hand to the front of ronan's jeans, stroking him through the denim. ]
it was highly irresponsible. gansey would be aghast if he knew what adam was doing -- not that adam wanted to think about gansey knowing about anything he did with ronan, but if he did. ronan clearly couldn't keep his mind on driving when adam was just kissing him, what would he do if --
but there's no one else on the road. there's no turns, nothing they could run into. ronan will have time to correct himself if something goes wrong. so adam doesn't really feel bad about grinning against ronan's neck, then beginning to suck a mark into his neck. he loves leaving marks on ronan, though he's usually more careful about where he leaves them -- he's never left such an obvious hickey before, usually sticks to ronan's collarbones and stomach. right now, though, he's feeling adventurous and untouchable, not thinking about everyone's reactions at aglionby on monday. adam pulls back after a minute to consider the bruise he's left, then grins again. ]
Just think about how much you don't want to crash this car, [ he says, reaching over to press his hand to the front of ronan's jeans, stroking him through the denim. ]
[ this is ridiculous. it's ridiculously dangerous, and ridiculously hot. it's very possible ronan has never been more attracted to adam than in this moment, which is saying something, since most days he's so attracted to adam he feels like he might explode. gansey wouldn't approve of what they're doing in a million years. he doesn't approve of most of ronan's reckless behavior, especially when it involves adam.
but something gansey doesn't know, or willfully ignores, is that adam has a reckless streak, too; ronan just brings it out in him. where gansey is the voice of reason, ronan's the voice egging him on, telling him, get on the moving dolly, or get in the shopping cart, parrish.
now, apparently, adam's coming up with his own stunts. this one is different, more dangerous than tipping over in a shopping cart. they could get seriously hurt (gansey's voice), or they could total the car (also gansey's voice). but ronan won't. and he doesn't say what he thinks, that the reason he doesn't want to crash the car isn't because he cares about the car, but because adam's with him, and he'd never forgive himself.
the thought is fleeting, swept away as adam sucks a mark into his neck, high enough that his clothes won't cover it, hard enough that it'll still be there when they get back to monmouth, probably when they go to school on monday. the thought only makes him hotter. his head feels light, fogged over like the windows in the car would be if they... ]
Shit. [ the bmw surges forward when ronan accidentally presses too hard on the gas, slows again as he lets up, his heart hammering against his chest from the adrenaline and the endorphin rush. he squirms in his seat, unconsciously spreading his legs for adam's hand and biting his lip to ground himself. his cock throbs against adam's palm through his jeans. ]
but something gansey doesn't know, or willfully ignores, is that adam has a reckless streak, too; ronan just brings it out in him. where gansey is the voice of reason, ronan's the voice egging him on, telling him, get on the moving dolly, or get in the shopping cart, parrish.
now, apparently, adam's coming up with his own stunts. this one is different, more dangerous than tipping over in a shopping cart. they could get seriously hurt (gansey's voice), or they could total the car (also gansey's voice). but ronan won't. and he doesn't say what he thinks, that the reason he doesn't want to crash the car isn't because he cares about the car, but because adam's with him, and he'd never forgive himself.
the thought is fleeting, swept away as adam sucks a mark into his neck, high enough that his clothes won't cover it, hard enough that it'll still be there when they get back to monmouth, probably when they go to school on monday. the thought only makes him hotter. his head feels light, fogged over like the windows in the car would be if they... ]
Shit. [ the bmw surges forward when ronan accidentally presses too hard on the gas, slows again as he lets up, his heart hammering against his chest from the adrenaline and the endorphin rush. he squirms in his seat, unconsciously spreading his legs for adam's hand and biting his lip to ground himself. his cock throbs against adam's palm through his jeans. ]
[ adam laughs, high and excited, when ronan swears and accelerates. this is such a stupid idea, he can't believe himself -- but he doesn't care, he trusts ronan. if ronan really thought he was going to crash his dad's car, he'd push adam off and tell him to wait til they were back at st agnes. at the very least he'd pull over and they'd get in the back seat and make out back there. if ronan's letting him do this, then he still feels like he's in control, and adam doesn't have anything to worry about. ]
You're so into this, aren't you?
[ he presses his hand harder over ronan's cock, heart pounding. of all the things ronan's talked him into, the moving dolly and the shopping cart and everything before that, this is the most thrilling -- and ronan didn't even talk him into it. it feels like something ronan should have talked him into, but this time it's all adam. he kind of feels like he's going crazy, only in the best way possible. like he was never really awake before now, before he got into this car with ronan and let himself put his hands and lips all over him.
his hand stills for a moment, for just a second, and then he pulls it away entirely to unbuckle his seatbelt. after that he goes right back to ronan's pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them. adam keeps his eyes downcast, anywhere but ronan's own face, but when he looks up to check that this is okay he can't help grinning.
how is this actually a thing he's doing? how is this something he hasn't thought to do with ronan before? ]
You're so into this, aren't you?
[ he presses his hand harder over ronan's cock, heart pounding. of all the things ronan's talked him into, the moving dolly and the shopping cart and everything before that, this is the most thrilling -- and ronan didn't even talk him into it. it feels like something ronan should have talked him into, but this time it's all adam. he kind of feels like he's going crazy, only in the best way possible. like he was never really awake before now, before he got into this car with ronan and let himself put his hands and lips all over him.
his hand stills for a moment, for just a second, and then he pulls it away entirely to unbuckle his seatbelt. after that he goes right back to ronan's pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them. adam keeps his eyes downcast, anywhere but ronan's own face, but when he looks up to check that this is okay he can't help grinning.
how is this actually a thing he's doing? how is this something he hasn't thought to do with ronan before? ]
[ he laughs, though it's really more of a gasp, and says, ] What gave it away?
[ as adam presses harder, a groan hits the back of ronan's teeth. his skull digs into the headrest, his eyes glued to the road but half-lidded, black and fever-bright beneath his lashes. on the outside, this seems like it would have ronan's name all over it, but the reality is that most days he feels lucky to be able to hold adam's hand, let alone kiss him and any of the other stuff they do. so no matter how much he may have fantasized about something like this, he wasn't going to be the one to suggest it.
but now that it's happening, he hardly knows what to do. it's probably a good thing the situation requires he do very little except sit still and keep driving. ...which is actually a lot harder than it sounds, especially when adam unbuckles his seat belt, making ronan's pulse jump—whether from panic or anticipation, he's not sure—but then adam's undoing his pants and if he had it anywhere in his mind to tell adam to stop, the thought is incinerated by the heat in his face.
when adam looks at him, grinning like the little shit that he is, ronan grins right back. another laugh works free from the knot in his chest, more breath than sound and slightly shaky. he takes one hand off the wheel and runs his fingers through adam's hair, then drags them down the back of his neck. his eyes leave the road for a second, long enough to meet adam's eyes, drop to his mouth, and return to staring straight ahead. ] You're insane, Parrish.
[ except it sounds like, where have you been all my life? ]
[ as adam presses harder, a groan hits the back of ronan's teeth. his skull digs into the headrest, his eyes glued to the road but half-lidded, black and fever-bright beneath his lashes. on the outside, this seems like it would have ronan's name all over it, but the reality is that most days he feels lucky to be able to hold adam's hand, let alone kiss him and any of the other stuff they do. so no matter how much he may have fantasized about something like this, he wasn't going to be the one to suggest it.
but now that it's happening, he hardly knows what to do. it's probably a good thing the situation requires he do very little except sit still and keep driving. ...which is actually a lot harder than it sounds, especially when adam unbuckles his seat belt, making ronan's pulse jump—whether from panic or anticipation, he's not sure—but then adam's undoing his pants and if he had it anywhere in his mind to tell adam to stop, the thought is incinerated by the heat in his face.
when adam looks at him, grinning like the little shit that he is, ronan grins right back. another laugh works free from the knot in his chest, more breath than sound and slightly shaky. he takes one hand off the wheel and runs his fingers through adam's hair, then drags them down the back of his neck. his eyes leave the road for a second, long enough to meet adam's eyes, drop to his mouth, and return to staring straight ahead. ] You're insane, Parrish.
[ except it sounds like, where have you been all my life? ]
[ of all the things cabeswater has sprung on them in the past -- the colour-changing fish, the herd of stampeding deer, the spontaneous cave -- this has got to be the weirdest, and with cabeswater, that's saying a lot. it's a magic sentient forest, so you'd think it couldn't get much weirder. you'd be wrong.
adam had convinced ronan to come with him to do some maintenance on the ley line (well, it didn't really take much convincing. he'd asked if ronan wanted to come and he'd said yes), and his scrying took them into the forest. that wasn't that unusual, there were often rocks blocking streams or other such things that cabeswater needed taken care of within its own boundaries, but what was unusual was the snow that covered everything the second they stepped into the forest. it was cold in henrietta, being that it was the start of december, but it wasn't snowing. inside cabeswater, there was at least two inches of snow covering the ground. despite this, it wasn't unbearably cold, so they pressed on, searching for the source of the forest's blockage.
they hadn't been in the forest for even ten minutes when adam was pulled to a sudden halt, causing ronan to run into his back. when he looked to see what was holding him back, there were roots winding around his ankles, holding him tight. as soon as ronan stopped, he was captured similarly. there was just enough give in the roots for adam to turn around to face ronan, looking for any cause, but it was only when he looked up that he realized what was going on.
mistletoe was dangling from a tree above their heads. cabeswater was trying to matchmake them. the magic, sentient forest adam had dedicated his life to was trying to set them up.
now all adam can do is stare at a spot vaguely over ronan's shoulder, trying to ignore the heat he can feel in his own cheeks. ]
Maybe if we ignore it it'll just... give up and let us go.
adam had convinced ronan to come with him to do some maintenance on the ley line (well, it didn't really take much convincing. he'd asked if ronan wanted to come and he'd said yes), and his scrying took them into the forest. that wasn't that unusual, there were often rocks blocking streams or other such things that cabeswater needed taken care of within its own boundaries, but what was unusual was the snow that covered everything the second they stepped into the forest. it was cold in henrietta, being that it was the start of december, but it wasn't snowing. inside cabeswater, there was at least two inches of snow covering the ground. despite this, it wasn't unbearably cold, so they pressed on, searching for the source of the forest's blockage.
they hadn't been in the forest for even ten minutes when adam was pulled to a sudden halt, causing ronan to run into his back. when he looked to see what was holding him back, there were roots winding around his ankles, holding him tight. as soon as ronan stopped, he was captured similarly. there was just enough give in the roots for adam to turn around to face ronan, looking for any cause, but it was only when he looked up that he realized what was going on.
mistletoe was dangling from a tree above their heads. cabeswater was trying to matchmake them. the magic, sentient forest adam had dedicated his life to was trying to set them up.
now all adam can do is stare at a spot vaguely over ronan's shoulder, trying to ignore the heat he can feel in his own cheeks. ]
Maybe if we ignore it it'll just... give up and let us go.
[ it had all seemed so routine, to the extent that anything could be routine when it came to cabeswater, they should've known something fucking weird was bound to happen. but there's weird, and then there's sabotage and betrayal, which better describe the sting ronan feels once the situation fully sinks in. out of all the shit cabeswater has put them through, it's never turned on him this badly before.
he strings together a few creative expletives that include "jesus fucking christ" and "you have got to be shitting me."
while adam stares over his shoulder, ronan is looking everywhere but at adam—until adam opens his mouth. after that, ronan gives him a look that is the same one he'd give him if he suggested ronan try making amends with declan, or something equally as unlikely to happen in this lifetime. ] Parrish, that's the stupidest fucking thing you've said in a while.
[ it's almost matter-of-fact. they both know it's not going to work. ignoring cabeswater has never been the answer to anything. in fact, it usually makes things worse. ronan tugs on his shackles but they only tighten the more he struggles. it's only when he almost falls over and has to catch himself with a hand on adam's shoulder that he stops trying to free himself.
once he's regained his balance, he pulls his hand back faster than if adam were a hot stove. where before his face was just a little warm, now it's on fire and he can only imagine how he must look. his heartbeat is in his stomach as well as his chest and he has no idea what to do with his hands, but eventually he shoves one into his pocket while the other comes up to his mouth. as he pulls on one of his leather bands with his teeth, he's pointedly avoiding adam's gaze again. if he looks at adam, he'll probably look at his mouth and afterwards pray to god to strike him down on the spot. ]
he strings together a few creative expletives that include "jesus fucking christ" and "you have got to be shitting me."
while adam stares over his shoulder, ronan is looking everywhere but at adam—until adam opens his mouth. after that, ronan gives him a look that is the same one he'd give him if he suggested ronan try making amends with declan, or something equally as unlikely to happen in this lifetime. ] Parrish, that's the stupidest fucking thing you've said in a while.
[ it's almost matter-of-fact. they both know it's not going to work. ignoring cabeswater has never been the answer to anything. in fact, it usually makes things worse. ronan tugs on his shackles but they only tighten the more he struggles. it's only when he almost falls over and has to catch himself with a hand on adam's shoulder that he stops trying to free himself.
once he's regained his balance, he pulls his hand back faster than if adam were a hot stove. where before his face was just a little warm, now it's on fire and he can only imagine how he must look. his heartbeat is in his stomach as well as his chest and he has no idea what to do with his hands, but eventually he shoves one into his pocket while the other comes up to his mouth. as he pulls on one of his leather bands with his teeth, he's pointedly avoiding adam's gaze again. if he looks at adam, he'll probably look at his mouth and afterwards pray to god to strike him down on the spot. ]
Well I don't see you coming up with anything, [ adam grouses, crossing his arms and frowning at a tree over ronan's shoulder. he's trying not to even see ronan, just ignore that he's there altogether, but that gets hard when ronan tilts dangerously forward and has to steady himself on adam's shoulder. without even thinking about it, adam uncrosses his arms, one hand going to touch ronan's on his shoulder and the other stabilizing him with a grip on his forearm. a moment later ronan pulls away, cheeks furiously red, and adam has to admit to himself the reason he was avoiding focusing on ronan's face:
now that he's looked at him, properly looked at him for the first time since he realized what cabeswater wants from them, he can't stop staring at ronan's lips. he's trying to look somewhere else -- anywhere else, seriously -- but his eyes keep being drawn back to ronan's mouth. prior to this, adam had never really given any consideration to ronan's lips -- they were lips, like anyone else had, and he could see that ronan was attractive cumulatively, so he didn't feel the need to isolate each part of his face for its individual attractiveness. now all adam can focus on is the small bow of his upper lip and the plushness of the lower one. they look soft -- ronan doesn't have any trouble with chapped skin in the winter, adam's brain supplies inanely -- and adam can't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss him. he hasn't wondered anything so fervently since he wondered what it would be like to kiss blue.
with great effort, adam drags his gaze away from ronan's mouth, looking at the ground off to the side of them, his cheeks flaming. blushes aren't as obvious on adam as they are on ronan, since he's more tan, but he feels like this one must be visible from space. ]
Let's just wait and see what happens. It might let us go. It's never done anything like this before.
now that he's looked at him, properly looked at him for the first time since he realized what cabeswater wants from them, he can't stop staring at ronan's lips. he's trying to look somewhere else -- anywhere else, seriously -- but his eyes keep being drawn back to ronan's mouth. prior to this, adam had never really given any consideration to ronan's lips -- they were lips, like anyone else had, and he could see that ronan was attractive cumulatively, so he didn't feel the need to isolate each part of his face for its individual attractiveness. now all adam can focus on is the small bow of his upper lip and the plushness of the lower one. they look soft -- ronan doesn't have any trouble with chapped skin in the winter, adam's brain supplies inanely -- and adam can't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss him. he hasn't wondered anything so fervently since he wondered what it would be like to kiss blue.
with great effort, adam drags his gaze away from ronan's mouth, looking at the ground off to the side of them, his cheeks flaming. blushes aren't as obvious on adam as they are on ronan, since he's more tan, but he feels like this one must be visible from space. ]
Let's just wait and see what happens. It might let us go. It's never done anything like this before.
[ for once, ronan doesn't have a rude comeback or biting remark. he can't say what he's really thinking, that there's only one way out of this mess, so he says nothing. he could do what adam's doing and deny the obvious, joke about how maybe cabeswater's just decorating for the holidays, but he's not in the practice of denying things anymore. not admitting something isn't the same as denying it.
even though he's not looking at adam, he can feel adam looking at him. every nerve in his body is on edge and there's a restless energy under his skin. unconsciously, he wets his lips and bites the bottom one, a quick catch and release, like he senses that's exactly where adam's looking. he doesn't have to look at adam to know the shape of his mouth; he's studied it over the course of a thousand subtle (and not so subtle) glances, seen it chewing the end of a pencil, parted just so in sleep, smiling and cursing and disapproving and laughing. he's imagined kissing it and tracing it with his fingers and how it would feel if adam—did things ronan can't afford to think about here, when they're standing so close and can't move away from each other. the point is, he's memorized what adam's mouth looks like as much as he's memorized the rest of his face, his hands. and he...
...realizes he's been looking at adam while adam was looking at him, seconds before adam looked away.
his chest tightens and it's suddenly hard to breathe. with the lack of oxygen to his brain, he struggles to remember what adam just said. when he does, his mouth twists. ]
Yeah. And Gansey might stop wearing salmon-colored polo shirts. [ not fucking likely. despite himself, ronan glances up and his stomach drops to discover the mistletoe is still there. taunting them. unwittingly, he thinks about several dreams he's had about adam and cabeswater and wonders if they have anything to do with the way cabeswater is behaving now. a furrow appears on his brow and he bites his bracelets again before whipping his arm back to his side. ] If we're stuck here long enough, I might just dream up a goddamn axe and turn these fucking roots into fucking kindling.
[ he says it in the direction of a nearby tree, like a threat. because it is one. ]
even though he's not looking at adam, he can feel adam looking at him. every nerve in his body is on edge and there's a restless energy under his skin. unconsciously, he wets his lips and bites the bottom one, a quick catch and release, like he senses that's exactly where adam's looking. he doesn't have to look at adam to know the shape of his mouth; he's studied it over the course of a thousand subtle (and not so subtle) glances, seen it chewing the end of a pencil, parted just so in sleep, smiling and cursing and disapproving and laughing. he's imagined kissing it and tracing it with his fingers and how it would feel if adam—did things ronan can't afford to think about here, when they're standing so close and can't move away from each other. the point is, he's memorized what adam's mouth looks like as much as he's memorized the rest of his face, his hands. and he...
...realizes he's been looking at adam while adam was looking at him, seconds before adam looked away.
his chest tightens and it's suddenly hard to breathe. with the lack of oxygen to his brain, he struggles to remember what adam just said. when he does, his mouth twists. ]
Yeah. And Gansey might stop wearing salmon-colored polo shirts. [ not fucking likely. despite himself, ronan glances up and his stomach drops to discover the mistletoe is still there. taunting them. unwittingly, he thinks about several dreams he's had about adam and cabeswater and wonders if they have anything to do with the way cabeswater is behaving now. a furrow appears on his brow and he bites his bracelets again before whipping his arm back to his side. ] If we're stuck here long enough, I might just dream up a goddamn axe and turn these fucking roots into fucking kindling.
[ he says it in the direction of a nearby tree, like a threat. because it is one. ]
[ ronan says you're insane, but what adam hears is i love you. they haven't actually said that out loud yet, but sometimes he can hear it anyway, in the way ronan's voice will sometimes come out awe-struck and wondering over adam's name. honestly, adam doesn't need to hear it out loud; these moments where ronan says his name like he hung the goddamn moon are enough.
he reaches over and turns ronan's head toward him with a hand on his cheek, just long enough to kiss him and bite at his lips, before he lets him go to look back at the road. ]
Eyes on the road, [ adam reminds him, smirking, and then he turns his attention back to ronan's cock. he pulls it out of his pants, giving it a few strokes to coax it the rest of the way to hardness -- adam hadn't been wrong, ronan is really into this, he was already halfway hard. it never fails to surprise adam, just a little, just how much he enjoys this. before he and ronan had gotten their shit together, he'd never really been able to imagine himself having sex with anyone, but particularly not with boys. in general it seemed to require a willingness to be vulnerable that he just didn't think himself capable of, and with boys... adam just couldn't see it. now, with ronan hard in his hand, leaking precum and getting his fingers sticky, adam doesn't particularly want to see anything else.
he leans forward over the center console, bracing his free hand on ronan's knee, and licks a teasing stripe up the underside of ronan's cock. the power of the moment has probably gone to adam's head a little bit, and he's enjoying the opportunity to mess with ronan a little too much. there's a part of him, a rather large part, that wants to tease ronan for as long as possible, just to see him squirm and try to keep the car under control -- but mostly he just wants to suck ronan's cock. without another second of teasing, adam wraps his mouth around ronan and begins to suck. ]
he reaches over and turns ronan's head toward him with a hand on his cheek, just long enough to kiss him and bite at his lips, before he lets him go to look back at the road. ]
Eyes on the road, [ adam reminds him, smirking, and then he turns his attention back to ronan's cock. he pulls it out of his pants, giving it a few strokes to coax it the rest of the way to hardness -- adam hadn't been wrong, ronan is really into this, he was already halfway hard. it never fails to surprise adam, just a little, just how much he enjoys this. before he and ronan had gotten their shit together, he'd never really been able to imagine himself having sex with anyone, but particularly not with boys. in general it seemed to require a willingness to be vulnerable that he just didn't think himself capable of, and with boys... adam just couldn't see it. now, with ronan hard in his hand, leaking precum and getting his fingers sticky, adam doesn't particularly want to see anything else.
he leans forward over the center console, bracing his free hand on ronan's knee, and licks a teasing stripe up the underside of ronan's cock. the power of the moment has probably gone to adam's head a little bit, and he's enjoying the opportunity to mess with ronan a little too much. there's a part of him, a rather large part, that wants to tease ronan for as long as possible, just to see him squirm and try to keep the car under control -- but mostly he just wants to suck ronan's cock. without another second of teasing, adam wraps his mouth around ronan and begins to suck. ]
[ it's not that ronan doesn't want to say i love you out loud. it's that, in his mind, he's already said it out loud in a hundred different ways. it's that he's scared, despite everything pointing to the contrary, that adam won't say it back. he's pretty sure adam knows it, but sometimes he really, really wants to say it. like right now, for instance.
fortunately, he has just enough wherewithal not to blurt it after adam kisses him and gives him that smirk, the one that makes his stomach swoop, especially when his hands are in such close proximity to his cock. it's difficult to look away after that, when he can still feel the impression of adam's teeth on his lips, but even if it weren't a matter of safety, he's compelled to keep his eyes straight ahead just because adam said so. there's not much he wouldn't do just because adam said so. sometimes it's a game, and sometimes it's the undeniable sway adam holds over him, what with ronan's heart in the palm of his hand.
and then his cock is in adam's hand, and it has pretty much the same effect. he prides himself on keeping the speed steady even as his pulse races. his breathing has sped up too, and heat zips up and down his spine, pleasure coiling tighter and tighter in the pit of him with every stroke of adam's fist. at first he thinks it's just going to be this, adam jerking him off while he tries not to crash the car, which is already a thrilling challenge, but then adam leans over and the next thing ronan feels is his tongue, and ronan swears, loudly, as he takes his foot off the gas—only because if he didn't, he might've accidentally crushed the pedal to the floor. ]
Jesus, shit, fuck.
[ if adam wanted to see him squirm, consider that wish granted. ronan doesn't fare much better when adam's whole mouth covers him and pulls him in. the breath rushes out of him as his hips jerk forward and his shoulders slide down the seat an inch. he scrambles for the threads of his control, pulling them together enough to regain the speed they lost. they didn't drop enough that he has to shift, which is good since his hand is still in adam's hair, gripping it tightly but too tightly that it hinder adam's movement. god forbid. ]
fortunately, he has just enough wherewithal not to blurt it after adam kisses him and gives him that smirk, the one that makes his stomach swoop, especially when his hands are in such close proximity to his cock. it's difficult to look away after that, when he can still feel the impression of adam's teeth on his lips, but even if it weren't a matter of safety, he's compelled to keep his eyes straight ahead just because adam said so. there's not much he wouldn't do just because adam said so. sometimes it's a game, and sometimes it's the undeniable sway adam holds over him, what with ronan's heart in the palm of his hand.
and then his cock is in adam's hand, and it has pretty much the same effect. he prides himself on keeping the speed steady even as his pulse races. his breathing has sped up too, and heat zips up and down his spine, pleasure coiling tighter and tighter in the pit of him with every stroke of adam's fist. at first he thinks it's just going to be this, adam jerking him off while he tries not to crash the car, which is already a thrilling challenge, but then adam leans over and the next thing ronan feels is his tongue, and ronan swears, loudly, as he takes his foot off the gas—only because if he didn't, he might've accidentally crushed the pedal to the floor. ]
Jesus, shit, fuck.
[ if adam wanted to see him squirm, consider that wish granted. ronan doesn't fare much better when adam's whole mouth covers him and pulls him in. the breath rushes out of him as his hips jerk forward and his shoulders slide down the seat an inch. he scrambles for the threads of his control, pulling them together enough to regain the speed they lost. they didn't drop enough that he has to shift, which is good since his hand is still in adam's hair, gripping it tightly but too tightly that it hinder adam's movement. god forbid. ]
[ in response to ronan's threat, the roots around their ankles only get tighter, and adam, unbalanced, sways forward slightly before he can get his weight redistributed properly. his hands fly out, unbidden, to grip at ronan's shoulders, holding himself upright while he shifts into a position where he can stand straight again. once he's got himself stable, though, he doesn't let go of ronan. instead he leaves his hands where they are, staring at ronan's lips with a deep frown on his face, like he's debating something in his head. after a moment, he grimaces, shuts his eyes tight, and leans forward until his lips touch ronan's.
it is, in all honesty, a truly unremarkable kiss. adam's not trying to make it a good one, though; all he wants is for cabeswater to release them so they can avoid talking about this ever again. after just a second, he leans back, looking up to check if the mistletoe is still there.
it is. ]
Fuck, [ he says, and drops his hands from ronan's shoulders. clearly, cabeswater isn't going to let them just half-ass it. ]
it is, in all honesty, a truly unremarkable kiss. adam's not trying to make it a good one, though; all he wants is for cabeswater to release them so they can avoid talking about this ever again. after just a second, he leans back, looking up to check if the mistletoe is still there.
it is. ]
Fuck, [ he says, and drops his hands from ronan's shoulders. clearly, cabeswater isn't going to let them just half-ass it. ]
[ this time, as adam looks at him, ronan deliberately looks right back. but while he's watching adam's eyes, adam appears to be watching ronan's lips, and that makes his heart beat like a caged bird. before he can even open his mouth to ask the question, what the hell are you looking at?, adam kisses him.
adam kisses him.
adam parrish is kissing him, ronan lynch, and he can't do anything but stand there, figuratively and literally rooted to the spot. while adam's eyes are shut tightly, like he was bracing for impact, ronan's are open and wide, like a deer in headlights, and by the time he remembers how to move or breathe, adam is pulling back.
fuck doesn't even begin to cover it.
it figures the only time ronan gets adam to kiss him is while they're being held hostage by a sentient forest that's apparently gone rogue. ronan has half a mind to take a torch to the place, though he doesn't linger on that thought for fear the trees might decide to combust while they're still trapped. he doesn't need to look up to know that the mistletoe is still there. the roots haven't loosened their hold. ronan is starting to lose feeling in his left foot. ]
That was pathetic, Parrish, [ he says as if he has any authority on the subject. (he doesn't.) the low tone of his voice belies his uncertainty, the extent to which he's been shaken. all the same, he raises his hands and cup the sides of adam's neck. ] Here.
[ then he leans in and presses their lips together like he means it. ]
adam kisses him.
adam parrish is kissing him, ronan lynch, and he can't do anything but stand there, figuratively and literally rooted to the spot. while adam's eyes are shut tightly, like he was bracing for impact, ronan's are open and wide, like a deer in headlights, and by the time he remembers how to move or breathe, adam is pulling back.
fuck doesn't even begin to cover it.
it figures the only time ronan gets adam to kiss him is while they're being held hostage by a sentient forest that's apparently gone rogue. ronan has half a mind to take a torch to the place, though he doesn't linger on that thought for fear the trees might decide to combust while they're still trapped. he doesn't need to look up to know that the mistletoe is still there. the roots haven't loosened their hold. ronan is starting to lose feeling in his left foot. ]
That was pathetic, Parrish, [ he says as if he has any authority on the subject. (he doesn't.) the low tone of his voice belies his uncertainty, the extent to which he's been shaken. all the same, he raises his hands and cup the sides of adam's neck. ] Here.
[ then he leans in and presses their lips together like he means it. ]
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