[ adam is expecting ronan to get fed up with him and leave -- not so much because of ronan himself, but because he was being an idiot and phrasing everything wrong and he would deserve it if ronan did leave. when he curses and pushes himself up to sitting, adam closes his eyes tight, waiting for the creak of the mattress to signify that ronan is leaving. it never comes, though. instead there's quiet, long seconds of it, and adam opens his eyes to look at ronan. his expression is inscrutable, too calm to give anything away, but if ronan were actually angry he'd already be out the door, so maybe adam hasn't fucked this up entirely. if that weren't enough to put adam at ease (and simultaneously make his heart feel like it's going to beat out of his chest) ronan's question and the nakedly hopeful tone of voice he says it in would do it on their own.
it feels weird to say it while actually looking at ronan -- no, not weird, exactly. it makes adam feel vulnerable, in a way that is both incredibly uncomfortable and terrifying as a heart attack. but ronan suffered through his rambling and hasn't left yet, so adam can look him in the eye when he says: ]
Yeah. I do. I like you.
[ it's possible this could be seen as moving too fast. maybe adam should have taken a few days to think things over, give himself a chance to really feel his way through it all. if he had a therapist, she'd probably say he's pushing himself too far, too fast because he finally can, now that he doesn't have his father's expectations looming over him. but hell, when has adam parrish ever done anything just because he wanted to? he wants to tell ronan he likes him, and he wants to kiss him again, and he wants to stay in this bed with him for the rest of the day. maybe he can't have all the things he wants, but he'll settle for just one. ]
[ it still seems too good to be true. ronan watches adam's mouth frame the words, hears them in his voice that's tinged with the colors of a henrietta sunset, but he still doesn't dare to believe it. he makes good forgeries too; after all, he learned from the best. with the dream pills burning a hole in his pocket, ronan glances around the tiny room, from the bathroom to the front door to window over his shoulder, like he expects the real adam to reappear any second. they were touching when he woke up, so it's entirely possible he took this adam out of a dream by accident, right? and the real adam woke up hours ago, somehow without ronan noticing, and booked it to school to turn in the homework he almost killed himself over.
the thought sits like a weight in his stomach, and not for the first time he resents being the greywaren. anyone else wouldn't have to ask themselves if the boy who just confessed to liking them is real or something they dreamed up.
but ronan doesn't remember dreaming, and he always remembers, especially his greywaren dreams. he's always aware of the creating, even if he can't always control what happens after, whether it comes back with him or not. but his sleep had been blissfully blank, which probably had something to do with adam's fingers slotted between his and the smell of dust and motor oil and adam's shampoo surrounding him. for all the questions and uncertainties circling his brain as he fell asleep, he'd also felt inexplicably safe and content, because that's what adam means to him.
a little of the tension leaves his shoulders, and he relents. ]
You should've led with that, asshole, instead of making me think I wasted my first kiss.
[ ...he hadn't actually meant to say that last part out loud. heat rushes to his face, and he ducks his head like he can hide it. his heart is beating heavily in his chest, each pulsation seeming to echo: he likes me, he likes me, he likes me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
it feels weird to say it while actually looking at ronan -- no, not weird, exactly. it makes adam feel vulnerable, in a way that is both incredibly uncomfortable and terrifying as a heart attack. but ronan suffered through his rambling and hasn't left yet, so adam can look him in the eye when he says: ]
Yeah. I do. I like you.
[ it's possible this could be seen as moving too fast. maybe adam should have taken a few days to think things over, give himself a chance to really feel his way through it all. if he had a therapist, she'd probably say he's pushing himself too far, too fast because he finally can, now that he doesn't have his father's expectations looming over him. but hell, when has adam parrish ever done anything just because he wanted to? he wants to tell ronan he likes him, and he wants to kiss him again, and he wants to stay in this bed with him for the rest of the day. maybe he can't have all the things he wants, but he'll settle for just one. ]
no subject
the thought sits like a weight in his stomach, and not for the first time he resents being the greywaren. anyone else wouldn't have to ask themselves if the boy who just confessed to liking them is real or something they dreamed up.
but ronan doesn't remember dreaming, and he always remembers, especially his greywaren dreams. he's always aware of the creating, even if he can't always control what happens after, whether it comes back with him or not. but his sleep had been blissfully blank, which probably had something to do with adam's fingers slotted between his and the smell of dust and motor oil and adam's shampoo surrounding him. for all the questions and uncertainties circling his brain as he fell asleep, he'd also felt inexplicably safe and content, because that's what adam means to him.
a little of the tension leaves his shoulders, and he relents. ]
You should've led with that, asshole, instead of making me think I wasted my first kiss.
[ ...he hadn't actually meant to say that last part out loud. heat rushes to his face, and he ducks his head like he can hide it. his heart is beating heavily in his chest, each pulsation seeming to echo: he likes me, he likes me, he likes me.
and i like him. ]